I’m in my late 40s and divorced. I met my husband when I was 17 and he was the first man I ever had sex with. Throughout my marriage I was pretty satisfied with my sex life (my marriage fell apart for other reasons), but if I think back to it, he wasn’t particularly sexual. Even though we had sex fairly frequently, there was usually no flirting or touching throughout the day. Of course, I don’t have much to compare to as he is the only man I’ve had sex with. But I’d like to start a new relationship and I wonder what others’ experience has been like with their partners. Are most men generally less sexual? I have so little experience so I’m looking for any perspective.– Kerrie, Boston
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9Real experiences shared by the community, from the original discussion to today.
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Claire6 years ago
I don’t think there are rules, all men are different and can also change throughout the course of a relationship. My ex husband was very affectionate and loving at the start and now I look back I realise after children he was less touchy feely. He definitely wasn’t flirty at any stage but then he wasn’t very experienced with women. He left me after twenty years. My current boyfriend of 15 months is both affectionate and flirty (verbally and over texts), I’m hoping it will last. I’m very tactile myself and couldn’t go out with someone who wasn’tz
Kerrie6 years ago
Hi Claire, thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. I've come to learn that I too am more tactile and affectionate and would like to find that quality in my next partner. I'm glad you're finding that in your current boyfriend, I hope it goes great for you!
Ellie6 years ago
Hi Claire, l can relate to your comment. I’m 55 and also divorced after been married for 25 years. My ex- husband did not show me that much affection at all!! You have both given me some hope that l could meet someone in the future, l did think after my marriage fell apart that l would stay on my own. My eldest daughter said that she would like me to me someone, writing this through ? at the moment!! Wish you all the best in your new relationship Kerrie ?
Kerriereplying to Ellie6 years ago
Hi Ellie, it sounds like we're both in a similar place so I totally empathize! I fully believe you can find someone and start over if that's what you want and if you feel ready. It has taken me a long time to feel ready again after my marriage ended. At first I also thought I would stay on my own but I know of many couples who found each other later in life, so I have hope for you and me! I wish you the best and send my hugs ?
Elliereplying to Kerrie6 years ago
Thanks Kerrie ?
PLynn.6 years ago
I was married at 18, for 18 years before we divorced. He was very sexual and even got mad if kids or life got in the way of opportunities to be together. He was always accusing me of having affairs. {eye roll}. So jealousy played a part. When our oldest was two, he even sorta had sex with me in anger, because he thought I kissed someone else at my best friends wedding. So. That relationship was a bit edgy and often volatile. My second husband is very different than that. He’s sweet and kind and attentative. He’s a Christian. We’ve now been married 16 1/2 years. I didn’t know the physical part of a marriage could be this way. I am so blessed this time around. Men are definitely different. Their personalities are different. And I’m guessing their sexual behaviors are equally as different. I’ve only had two sexual partners my whole life and these are my two experiences.
Heather6 years ago
I have been with my husband for 18 years this month, (over 22 years together in total) and our relationship has always been very sexual and flirtatious. When he met me, I was a bartender, so he was used to men constantly trying to get my attention. It was refreshing to find someone who wasn’t afraid or jealous of that attention, but he definitely used his sexual prowess to keep my attention on him. After we had our son, we went through the struggle of defining that within a context of being parents, but his desire towards me has never really waned. Now that we are empty nested, I can’t seem to get him to stop chasing after me, which is not a terrible problem to have. We constantly have open dialogue about our relationship, and consider each other best friends. I’ve been with him for over half my life, so I can’t imagine another way. I dated boys before we got together, but I was very strict on who got to see what parts of me, so my main sexual experience has been with him. Even still we were always honest about our past experiences and what worked for us and what did not. Anyone who says you can’t find love at a bar is silly, because I wasn’t even looking when he found me and I found him. Our attraction was what drove us together, and much like a strong magnet, keeps us together. All in all, open conversation about both our desires and needs, and an open mind about how that could change with time, hormones, and body changes has kept us interested in each other. I hope all people can find and experience the love and related sexy fun that can be found within an honest relationship. The patience he’s shown me through this change actually makes me desire him (even 20 years into it) and he tells me he’s willing to wait through my symptoms so I can enjoy myself and him as much as he enjoys me. It’s starts with being honest, and stays with that as well.
Natasha6 years ago
I will be married for 24 years this fall. My husband was not my only partner. I am so appreciative of that because I have something to “compare”. Love, passion and lust are all different, and the latter two are exciting in the moment, but are lacking afterwards. I feel it is my responsibility to keep MY sex life spicy. My husband gets to benefit, just as he is responsible to bring some new ideas to the table. We may be angry with each other, not speaking, and connect through sex. Every marriage is different.
Andi6 years ago
I was married for 15 years and we had a pretty affectionate marriage then with my last partner for over 4 years and at first he was affectionate and tactile although sex was never a big part of our relationship. We only saw each other at weekends and I thought this would help keep the spark alive but as time wore on he became less affectionate and used to sit on his phone when we were together. Covid made me realise that I wasn’t happy and deserved more so I ended that relationship and have since got together with an old friend from school. The chemistry we have is amazing, we can’t keep our hands off each other and sex is amazing. He makes me laugh every day and and we can talk about anything and it’s made me realise how much was missing from my life before. He’s very tactile, always with a hand on my leg or something and tells me every day how beautiful I am. We’re both 47 but feel like teenagers at the moment and I honestly feel this is my time to enjoy life. My kids are getting older and spend regular weekends with their dad so I’m determined to live my life to the full. Life is too short to be unhappy.