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How to speak to your doctor?

By Caria CommunityPublished 30 July 20201 min read

I’m really struggling to get my doctor listen to me, let alone help me. I’ve been laughed at, dismissed, patronised and completely ignored. How do you get a medical professional to actually take you seriously and listen without interrupting? I just get “you’re too young, that doesn’t happen,” like I don’t know what’s going on with my own body. I’m living in complete misery and the only treatment I’ve got is an oral contraceptive that I don’t need and doesn’t work.– Herri, London

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Community comments

28

Real experiences shared by the community, from the original discussion to today.

  • Paula6 years ago

    I feel your pain, I’m looking for a new GP. I’m 48 and have symptoms, I’ve seen two menopause specialists who’ve prescribed HRT and 3 female GP’s in the practice have all refused to prescribe the HRT! I’m currently needing to get private prescriptions in order to get the treatment I need. This is the 21st century and were being refused a cheap treatment with so many positives! If this happened to men, there’d be no problem at all.

    • Herri6 years ago

      I’m 36 and I have all the symptoms. My mum was done with menopause by the time she was 44. That doesn’t mean anything to my doctor. I asked to see a different GP and was told “no, see the one who knows your history.” But she won’t listen to me. I’m thinking of going private but I can’t afford it long term. I completely agree if this was a man problem, it would be solved by now. Thank you. I feel better knowing it’s not just me.?

    • Sazzreplying to Herri6 years ago

      Why is it the female doctors are the worst? About like the patronising, unsympathetic midwives you can get.

    • Dawnreplying to Herri6 years ago

      When you book an appointment ask for a different doctor. Is the doctor an old school type one, or have they got a reputation for having a terrible bedside manner?

    • Ruthreplying to Herri6 years ago

      I’m 38 & have been having symptoms for around 18 months. My mother’s side all experienced very early menopause/perimenopause. I haven’t went to the GP about it as I know I’m going to get told that I’m way too young. I think being brushed off would just make me feel worse. My body doesn’t feel like my own anymore. It feels good to know I’m not the only one. I hope you find a Doctor that will listen to you.

  • Robbin6 years ago

    Sis, you need to find a new doctor who understands menopause. Look for an OB/GYN that doesn’t deliver babies anymore and is just focused on women’s health. If this is your PCP, you need to see a GYN specialist, if you can. Ask to have your hormone levels checked. If you have symptoms, something is going on with your body. Don’t let them try to convince you that it’s all in your head. This kind of BS just makes me crazy! It’s the 21st century, doctors need to catch up with women’s bodies! Good luck and report back. ?

    • Herri6 years ago

      Thank you Robbin. I feel so relieved to know there are lovely people, such as yourself, who will listen and give me an honest opinion. I told my doctor I was tracking it and she said “oh yes these tracking apps can convince you of anything!” When I ask for someone else, they send me back to her because she’s the practice “expert”. I poured my heart and soul out to her and she could only say “I’m sorry you are struggling to cope.” There just never seems to be a sense of urgency. That’s what frustrates me. Thank you Robbin ? I’ll get on it. Grrr!

    • Kimberlyreplying to Herri6 years ago

      Ummm yea, my GP said I need to see a psychiatrist. Really, who doesn’t! But what does that have to do with MENOPAUSE! My body is literally not my own anymore...?

  • Camille6 years ago

    Collect your evidence and use this resource: Menopause Support Packs (http://pausitivity.co.uk/menopause-support-packs)

    • Herri6 years ago

      Thank you Camille. This looks amazing. I’ve never seen this before. I have everything on that list and more besides. I’m downloading it now ? thank you x

  • MariA6 years ago

    Change your doctor and register a complaint

    • Herri6 years ago

      Thank you, MariA. This is what I needed. People who get it and can help me take a bit of action. I’m looking at the complaints procedure right now ??

  • Lisa6 years ago

    You need a new doctor! No doctor should treat their patients that way! Find one who will listen and let you be part of the decision making!

  • GG6 years ago

    Find a new doctor who respects you

  • George6 years ago

    I didn’t experience dismissal but definitely felt GP wasn’t really sure what she was doing. Just had consultation with menopause specialist GP. Calm, understanding and confident she can improve my symptoms Feeling hopeful

  • Sestia6 years ago

    Harri, if you are in the U.K. then you can use the specialist finder from the Brit Meno Society. https://thebms.org.uk/find-a-menopause-specialist/ So many of us struggle to just find a sympathetic GP! But there will be someone out there who gets it. Best of luck.

  • Cat6 years ago

    I changed my GP after being treated like an idiot. I now get amazing service.

  • Sazz6 years ago

    Try Pregnenolone. Available on Amazon and totally changed my life. Took away foggy brain, aching limbs and fatigue. Naturally replaces hormones that are missing. No side effects - been taking for 2 years now x

  • Carmen6 years ago

    My doctor was great, told me not to take HRT and it is a process that I need to go through Naturally. So I change my diet to high protein & Carbs, lots of vegetables and plenty water. Up my vitamins and plenty exercise. I used to feel low sometimes with the hot flushes and be been tired all the time. All that has change, smile more feel good in myself and look younger for it and dress in vibrant colours to feel good in yourselves. Can’t do much about the grey hairs so I decided to just in brace it And live life to the full. You all can get through this, mine started at 35. My motto is if you can’t change natural process of life, deal with it the best you can and stop worrying about what you can’t change. And try and have a good positive thoughts each day even when you’re at your lowest. We can do ladies. ??????❤️❤️

    • DEE5 years ago

      I’m 62 and had a hysterectomy after 35 was in HRT till I was 55 and while that period had it’s up and downs with pain dryness emotional ups and downs with the odd flush! Since my Doc has taken me off HRT at the age of 55. My life has been a living hell! Non stop sweats during the day , night sweats ( dripping wet types and changing bedding types) aches in all my joints, emotional lows, no libido, dreadful fatigue.. basically feeling like death warmed up! My GP says more HRT out of the question, so now on anti depressants and thyroid low doses?‍♀️ I have tried so many homeopathic ?treatments ... NONE work!! ginkgo sage primrose etc etc I exercise every day, I’m in my target weight.. mainly because of my arthritis and aching body but the sweating and tiredness is awful! I naturally wear colours that suit me as I’m creative in personality and skill... my friends would prob say I was naturally outgoing and social this is a BIG front? as I’m so tired all the time... WHY AND HOW is this not getting better... it’s defo getting worse so As I’m now into my seventh year I am now on my second doctor and even though I want to go back in HRT they won’t allow it?‍♀️?‍♀️They are not listening this is about quality of my life not theirs ... grrr

  • Marisol6 years ago

    Interview your doctors. All women are not on you side either. And when you ask for a test or any kind of treatment and are denied it told you don’t need it, tell them to note it in your file and confirm that that actually note it.

  • Sunny6 years ago

    Get a new doctor! I went through 4 different doctors, male and female until I got someone to help me. I was desperate. After crying in despair in front of one doctor ( in his thirties) I was dismissed with "I think your 10 minutes are done, goodbye " GPs must get hardened to emotions or something. I eventually got my Hrt from a male doctor who bothered to read up on the UK NICE guidelines on menopause https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23 There is a statutory obligation for nhs practitioners to put the recommendations of nice in place within 3 months of their publication. Sadly though many GPs don’t bother catching up on most recent research. We as women have to start demanding the right treatment. Women’s health has been ignored for far too long. It upset me to read your story above, Herri, but sadly it is all too common. Go get yourself a doctor who is interested. When I changed surgeries this year I specifically asked which of the doctors was interested in this field and I have a very helpful female doctor now. It feels like I’m entering a new era. Good luck?

  • Dawn6 years ago

    Have you spoken to a different doctor for a second opinion? That would be my suggestion. Also, you can complain about the other doctor for the way they have treated you. Best of luck.

  • Lori6 years ago

    You should call your insurance company and ask them to help you find a new provider. They can also take your complaint.

  • Roxanne6 years ago

    I never got anywhere with various GPs. Finally taken seriously by dr at the sexual health clinic who listened, diagnosed & prescribed me HRT. Good luck

  • Nicoleta6 years ago

    Oh, believe me; I have the same problem with my GP.

  • Jacqui Doll5 years ago

    This is so very common. I have a great GP who has my back. When I go to her I do my research and so we have a discussion. I always tell her what is happening, I talk about the risks and the treatment I would like to explore. About 20 years ago my family learned the hard way that doctors don’t know everything and now I never assume they know what they are doing. This is MY patient plan. It is very frustrating.

  • JS2 years ago

    Hi, I highly suggest a functional medicine doctor specializes in women and focuses on menopause

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