I wonder whether anyone else is struggling with feelings of paranoia and inadequacy since starting perimenopause. For example, I feel my husband no longer wants to be with me due to all of the physical and emotional changes I’m going through. He says nothing has changed, but my mind tells me differently and I get very emotional and anxious about this, which only makes things worse. It would be a relief to know if others feel like this, or if it’s just me. Thank you to everyone on this site, it’s been so helpful x– Michelle, Euxton
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Glitzy McJingles5 years ago
I’m completely with you on the paranoia thing (only it’s with everyday life rather than my husband whom I’d rather not be with ??)! Speak to your Dr about your feelings and they may be able to prescribe something that helps x
Amanda4 years ago
I agree with this. Little everyday things bother me more than my husband. I know he loves me unconditionally. I get caught up with not having a clean enough house, my car being a mess, my health, my kids(21,18,&9), all the things I do at church, etc… I talked to my oncologist about it. She put me on the meds to start menopause. She put me on meds. I would talk to someone.
Kimberly5 years ago
Hello I am Kimberly I can tell you Before peri menopause. I have had Anxiety disorder for years and noticed after starting my menopause journey it. Was coming back and the tools that used to help me did not work. Now I have learned that this is a normal part of life. I meditate yoga acupuncture and and CBD oil everyday. This is what helps me now.
Katherine5 years ago
Yes I also suffer from the same feelings at home snd work ,, Constantly second-guessing my thoughts about everything, feel insecure, and alone,, I find being grateful, meditating and being in the moment is helpful.
Trish5 years ago
I am having emotional difficulties, and they are made more difficult because i have teenage kids with their challenges and my husband and i have had a sad lonely marriage for a long time. Then covid19 this year has been the worst extra additional stress. Peri menopause is an additional factor that, i think, has zapped my resilience. Everything is so hard. I am unable to be relaxed and happy. I am unable to be honest and communicate with my husband, unable to find solace and comfort in my relationship. So yes, it’s hard, and I understand when you say, paranoia. My brain chatter is sabotaging me, for sure. Just writing this message has helped me realise that a little, and i need to try to talk to my husband, rather than have this conversation on my own, in my brain. I hope this makes sense.
Kiara5 years ago
No help but just wanted to send a virtual hug as it sounds like you’re having a tough time. I really hope you find a way to open up communication with your husband soon, it sounds like an honest, sensitive talk would help you both. ❤️
Elle5 years ago
Well, I had a peek ‘down there’ and there are colour changes and the area generally looks very different with age. I am 50 & single - with a pattern of being with men who get soft after the first few times we’re together and then we break up. I didn’t understand why and AI didn’t realise what it looked like but now that I do, I feel that I’ll never be able to find someone who actually wants to have sex with me. I hope I am paranoid but I can see why they stop wanting sex:(
Natasha5 years ago
Next time, have a glance at the men’s hair there. It probably is grey too. Funny side story: I have always been a hairy woman, and in my mid 40’s (I just turned 49) I decided to get my under arms and bikini line groomed with laser treatment. Best investment ever. I did not go full Brazilian (someday I may be in a nursing home and decided I needed some coverage?) but that and a small grooming buzzer kept me so much more comfortable through my horrific periods.
Holly5 years ago
I too am the same. I experienced anxiety and paranoia 2 years ago & the doctor prescribed Citalopram. This calmed the paranoia for about a year but it returned & I didn’t want to continue with the tablets as they affected other areas of my health. Now I am off them the paranoia is still there but mainly around my relationships with people. I was was wondering if anyone knows of natural supplements to combat this? Such a horrible part of menopause... a hidden effect that not a lot of people realise/talk about - big hugs to you Michelle
Oralea4 years ago
I feel for you! I was reading through the comments wondering if the paranoia around friendships that I’ve felt over the last few years could be related to my peri menopause…. Sounds like yes! Was so out of character for me and it just didn’t feel right but the thoughts and worries were there nonetheless. So glad for this thread. I wish I knew of some supplements that would help. I think being aware of this and mindfulness practice may help. Good luck to you!
I started off eating excessively now no appetite l5 years ago
Llee I’m sorry u feel like that YES just Paranoia don’t get scared it’s part of the menopause you feel crazy inside do a lot of exercise do some meditation and see a therapist you’ll be fine it’ll soon pass take care and God bless
Katherine5 years ago
Great suggestions!!! Thank you ?
Caroline5 years ago
I am the same. You are not alone!! xx
Robin5 years ago
Hi Michelle, I can relate to you completely. I’m married also, I think my weight gain used to cause my paranoia with my husband, but I had to learn how to back off from that once I learned how to cope with these changes. You have to really believe your husband when he says nothing has changed. It’s hard not to feel that way, but you have to try not entertain it. Whenever those thoughts or feelings come, try to focus on something that’s positive and loving between you and your husband. Going through this can be rough, but let your husband be there for you. You Got This!!!!!!! Be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time. Start doing things here and there that boost yourself confidence. You’ll be surprised how much better you’d feel.
Don’t let the paranoia run the relationship. Stay5 years ago
I agree with this comment 100%. If you and your husband have a good relationship good communication and genuine unconditional love that does not matter that you are going through perimenopause he will be there with you no matter what. He will try to comfort you throughout the changes that your body will go though. Don’t let the paranoia run the relationship. Stay strong we will get through this as well. Because a woman goes through a lot and she is tough.
Katherinereplying to Don’t let the paranoia run the relationship. Stay5 years ago
Yes I agree !!! Paranoia !!! Almost ruined my relationship,, after 23 years marriage,, talk to friends any support you can find, to help you better understand you are not alone ?
Michelle5 years ago
OMG thank you all so very much for replying it means a lot to know I’m not losing the plot completely. I can relate to all that you’re saying and it’s just the pits this part of the menopause. The chatter in your head dragging you down all the time and making you feel worse than you already do emotionally. I’ve never cried so much it’s ridiculous. I am going to fight this head on and tell the thoughts where they can go - thoughts are not real are they. I truly hope you all start to feel much better soon and I know we will all get through this we’re stronger than we realise. Take good care ladies loads of love and hugs ?
Natasha5 years ago
Just remember, that we have more conversations with ourselves than anyone else, snd it is very important that we speak as kind, considerate and lovingly as we do to others to ourselves. To “stop” yourself going down the rabbit hole of bad thoughts, when you are having one, picture a red stop light. When you realize you maybe starting a bad thought, picture the amber light. Then, think of what you know for sure. “He said he loves me.” It takes practice, but it does help!
Mrstiddreplying to Natasha5 years ago
That’s brilliant!
Karen5 years ago
I get this too. Crying over thoughts, silly things, imagined slights. My kids find it amusing, just mum crying again. I want to scream at my daughters, you’ll have this too unless you prepare early. Thinking of you
CK5 years ago
You’re not alone. I was just thinking about this this morning after a night of lackluster sex. I’ve gained so much weight the last few years (and stretch marks, wrinkles, hair...) that I don’t feel or look like I used to, and I don’t think my husband is as attracted to me now. So I’m dealing with a lot of insecurity and doubt. Plus, I get the paranoia too. I’ve found that journaling has helped. I can get my thoughts and feelings out and then try to move on.
MelJ5 years ago
Completely with you! Not so much with the hubby but work has been a nightmare, feel like it’s been made worse with COVID too. I’ve started using the “Calm” app again to relax and get my head together. That and talking to my friends and being completely honest about how I’m feeling , it doesn’t stop it completely but helps me to remember that it’s the hormones and not real x
Natasha5 years ago
Yes! It isn’t an each and everyday thing, but I think it comes on when I am feeling my worst-panic or anxiety, migraine, weight gain or bloat, yet another health issue pops up- sadly, the list is long. I just remind myself that I am not a mind reader, and I have been extremely vocal that if my changes were too much, I love him too much to keep him in a marriage because he felt like he owed me. He recently told me he was lucky to be in love with me. ❤️
Anon5 years ago
I am super paranoid during the perimenopause, but not really about my partner. I do feel attractive to my partner, but I also get obsessed with other people. I have had a night sweat tonight & am v tired. Really struggling with social networking during the pandemic... I am so sorry that you are going through things like this. I know many couples have split up during the pandemic. It’s so so hard. All the best to you all, Cathy
Jennifer5 years ago
I’m in the 2nd year of perimenopause and in the first year, I found myself worrying a lot that my husband would leave me for a younger woman. This worry had no basis in reality even remotely. So yes, I’d call what I had paranoia. Talking with him about my worries helped in my case. Also doing more mindfulness meditation helped too. My opinion is this paranoia stems from our society and anti-aging sentiment especially with women. I try to counter anti aging comments when they come up in conversations with friends but it feels like a losing battle.
Hope5 years ago
Hi ladies, I definitely get bouts of paranoia and am in 2nd maybe 3rd year of peri menopause now. I’m not married, I’m a a single parent of a 14 year old who doesn’t see his Dad at all. The paranoia manifests for me in terms of friendships or day to day stuff. I’ll get it in situations like if someone doesn’t text me back or doesn’t get back in touch. I’ll begin to think I’ve done something wrong or they’re upset with me etc. It definitely goes up and down. It’s hard to gage sometimes in regards to cycle as I don’t get the old type of pms at a certain time of the month as pre peri - now it fluctuates which is hard to get a handle on. I like the advice from Natasha about the red stop sign, I use that too and it’s great for getting a hold on to yourself sometimes. Stay safe ladies and keep on fighting the good fight! X
Tina5 years ago
Oh my goodness the text thing, THAT IS ME. I’ve always been very hard on myself and quite an anxious person, but I hide it well and can come across as outgoing and strong. I’m 2 years into menopause and that thought that I’m not good enough, that people don’t want me around, that they’re ignoring me if they don’t text back or talking about me behind my back, it’s just awful. I’ve fallen out with family through my paranoia, I cry about it. Other times I’m more lucid and ask myself what the heck I was thinking? Sometimes I feel I need some help, other times I feel I’m ok. It’s a horrid feeling.
Angel5 years ago
I have been feeling this way too. It’s been hard because I have been coping with alcohol and now I’m seeing the effects of it. Making me even more depressed. I’m considering minimizing my alcohol intake now. I really want to start developing a healthier lifestyle. Working out and yoga + mediation. Clean fun is what I’m aiming for moving forward. I know when I am clear in the mind the negative thoughts don’t take over in me. I am able to be much more pragmatic and present.
Bridget4 years ago
34 and in my second year of peri menopause and these feelings are certainly familiar. I suddenly feel completely alone. I don’t feel my husband, family or friends want to be apart of my life but no one is showing me that, it’s just an insecure “feeling” I chose to speak with a therapist bi-weekly and express my concerns when to my loved ones, it helps at times but other times the thoughts push back in.
Jen4 years ago
I can relate!! peri menopause sent me to seek out a new Therapist, I thought I was losing my mind. the hormones and stress had taken my run of the mill anxiety & depression and amplified it. she sent me for a neuro psych evaluation and at 49 yrs old I was diagnosed with ADHD. I’ve continued to fall into such a funk, I’m feeling like a complete disappointment, a failure, I’m that little girl again desperate for the love and approval I never got. feeling utterly alone and unlovable. my husband thinks I’m great and doesn’t understand where all this is coming from. the hormone fluctuations have me up and down like a roller coaster. I’m 11 yrs post op from life changing weight loss surgery, I’ve kept the weight off all these years. last year, in 3 mos I put on 15 lbs, I was FRANTIC!! my insulin resistance started creeping back and was feeling like that fat miserable person I was prior to surgery. I was having panic attacks. I’m trying to remind myself that this is TEMPORARY!! its ok to have a bad day, week, whatever. I’m giving myself permission to be lazy and take it easy.
Jill4 years ago
I have so much anxiety. If I have any kind of pain, I think I’m dying. I’m nervous all the time and my mind is always racing with worrying thoughts. I think my boyfriend is becoming distant but he says it’s me and my hormones.
Mel3 years ago
I’ve been the same way - and I never considered myself to be a hypochondriac prior to perimenopause. However, every new & strange ache/pain sends my mind racing. Feels so bizarre to be this way but difficult to avoid the worrying loop in my head. I’ve found that exercising, reading, eating well & sleeping well has helped but not always easy to maintain those things. I take it one day at a time & I find yoga to be the most beneficial.
Janedee4 years ago
I feel this too, particularly at work. Luckily my boss is a similar age with similar feelings
Lesley4 years ago
Overthinking causes problems. Focus on you sista! What makes u happy? This is what u need to be thinking about. Forget the rest & make a list. My list says: Flowers Dogs Garden Walking with podcasts Cleaning the house (I know ithats weird by it makes me happy) Cooking Make a list & focus on that everytime u doubt yourself. Increase your positive & ignore the negative . All the best hon, u know what makes your heart sing Time to focus on YOU!!! x
Lesley4 years ago
Focus on what u CAN control! Only U know what makes your heart soar...Go toward that ?? Expecting others to understand, communicate or help is a fast track to victim valley Expect nothing. appreciate everything & YOU do YOU! Pick your own flowers ?
Taia4 years ago
I’m feeling the same way about this stuff, like my husband doesn’t want to be with me anymore because of my issues and I’m worthless because of everything I struggle with and all the help of other people I need who are busy with their own life
Azure4 years ago
Through therapy I have learned that when my negative self talk rears it’s ugly heard I need to use a grounding technique. Ex: my brain says my husband doesn’t love me. My response: my husband does love me because …. I foil in the blank with recent actions that he has done for me to show love. Today he went to grab some donuts for me.
Jackie3 years ago
I get really teary if anyone says the wrong thing to me , self doubt myself with everything I do ,
Layla2 years ago
I definitely catastrophize and get very overwhelmed and emotional. It doesn’t help that my partner is not emotionally supportive or understanding. Not sure the relationship will make it through, but feel torn at times about if I want it to…I would hope some partners can be more affectionate and understanding…
Marimar2 years ago
Wow I had no idea this is a thing also. I keep learning new things about menopause & it’s definitely added to the health issues I already have & most are worse with the menopause. It’s all overwhelming. I cry all the time & my partner has been supportive patient & just so positive about everything he makes me happy & every time I apologize for so many things he always says babe your good we’re good & that makes everything that much better! I think of him his words his positive thoughts & it helps.
Paz1 year ago
I am in perimenopause and literally I could have wrote your comment myself in the exact same words .. you put into words what I have been feeling ..so don’t worry you’re not alone