I’m 39 and had my daughter in 2018. Just one year later, I went straight into premature menopause. As of this year, I haven’t had a period in 9 months, so I’m 3 months away from being in menopause. I’m so ashamed to admit that being a mom to a 2 year old at the same time as dealing with menopause has been overwhelming at times. I honestly feel like I’m depriving her of the bonding time I’d like to share with her. It’s like I have these emotional highs and lows and I’m just trying to figure how to balance motherhood and menopause. My hubby has stepped in during times that I’ve felt overwhelmed, but I need to reach a better place because with my daughter being so young I don’t want miss out on these moments. Ladies, how do you balance the things in your life? Whether if it’s motherhood, career, etc…? What ways do you allow yourself to cope?– Nicole, Garland, Texas
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Tiffny-Grand Rapids, Michigan6 years ago
Nicole, I can imagine you feel overwhelmed. Have you consulted your doctor or looked into a Functional Medicine Practitioner? It’s possible with the right changes to nutrition and sleep you could restore your hormone balance.
Di6 years ago
God bless you Nicole; you’re really going through it. First of all, please do not be so hard on yourself, none of us are perfect. Secondly, has your doctor spoken to you about Post Natal Depression as this could exacerbating your low mood combined with low estrogen levels. Talk to him or her about medication that could help. You should be enjoying this time with your child not beating yourself up emotionally & psychologically about hormones that are out of your control. Get them stabilised & get busy loving life. Also, make time for you, you deserve it! Hope things improve for you soon.
sam6 years ago
Hi there, I can relate as I had my son 3rd child in 2012 when he was two in 2014 I had full hysterectomy at age 35 so have been in menopause since i’m on hrt now but the first four years I wasn’t and I guess felt better then on I do on hrt i’ve had lots of side effects with hrt hair loss being one which has knocked my confidence paid rise to anxiety and really isolated me so in my experience hrt isn’t always the answer as it brings it own side effects the up and downs are caused by fluctuating hormones which is the same in my case through hrt yours is your own hormones. I would speak to the gp ask them to test your hormone levels they may appear in normal range however hrt is an option but would need estrogen and progesterone combined to protect the endometrium from building up but you may feel great or feel worse.
Missy6 years ago
You’ve just said it. You allow yourself to cope. When you tell yourself you are doing something wrong or are missing out, you are punishing yourself, when you haven’t done anything wrong. You can’t be with your child every second of every day, and as long as you love her, spend time with her and enjoy that time. She isn’t going to miss anything. Her normal is whatever you make it and time with dad will actually make her a more rounded individual. Stop putting pressure on yourself. Spend time with your daughter while she is small enough to cuddle, they don’t stay that way long, enjoy watching what she learns being with daddy (please remember that he won't let her get hurt and yes there are reasons women live longer than men, when 10 doesn’t work try counting to twenty in a language you don’t know ?) But honestly you seem to be ahead of the game, you are already talking about problems and feelings and asking for help if you need it. That is all any of us can do. Good Luck
Getting there5 years ago
Well said Missy! Think positively. Talk to people about it and look for answers or solutions that work for you! ...And little girls need their Daddy time too! My hubby and I had to agree a rota as we both work professionally and travelled with work, so our DD was a massive lifestyle shift. A weekly cross-check on diaries was required including a family planner for general kitchen visibility - it helped to have my “me-time” slots on it as well so he could do the same, fair is fair. And yes, the planning session meant he became more open to additional childcare options - we had also just moved to a new neighbourhood - so at times it was overwhelming, lonely and more than a few times he had to step in - even though it wasn’t his turn! It was a crazy crazy time! ...the important thing for me was that I had also planned in the “forget everything else” this is quality time just for me and my DD. I also took a ridiculous amount of photos! ? We got a child minder for a few hours a week to give us both a break together, some nursery support, and through that and my DD we met other people in similar situations. Play dates led to good friends and a good support network today. Your clearly already an amazing person, so figure out how to make the time you need to feel it too!
Dawnlm756 years ago
Not exactly the same I appreciate but at 41 I had a miscarriage and went into menopause. My only chance of motherhood. I’ve struggled with the fact I left it too late in life for a family and the only one i now have at 45 is of a step parent. The emotional effects of going through the menopause knowing it was for nothing is hard. I feel like my life is incomplete and have no purpose in life.
Di6 years ago
You most certainly do have purpose, you’re a step mum which is such an important role to play in a child’s life. I’m wondering if you ever sought grief counselling for your very sad loss - talking to someone outside of your family/social circle might be the way forward to enable you to steer in a whole new positive & emotionally fulfilling direction. We’ve only got one life so choose the best & most hopeful way for you to spend it. Take care of yourself.
Po6 years ago
As someone who had my second child at 39, I get how you feel. I had post-partum depression and anxiety with both my kids, and it's hard not to be sad when you feel like you're not connecting with them in the way you think you should. What I've found for myself though, is that there is no perfect parenting. My oldest is 12, and I still have to tell her to pick up her wet towel. I don't do it in a nice way ? But she said to me yesterday, I'm glad you're strict with us sometimes. So even if you feel like there's a right or wrong way, give yourself grace. You're going to need it. I suggest a journal that encourages that. Maybe even just a sentence or two a day. Hugs.
Nicole6 years ago
Thank you to all the women who responded to my question. I really appreciate the support. It’s cool to have a community of women who you can be honest to about things we may be thinking of struggling with and to know that we are not alone helps me to appreciate this app a lot more. It has truly blessed my life. Thanks again
Claire J6 years ago
I’ve googled many times to see if there is a link between my late entry to motherhood (also 39) and peri menopause kicking in 3 years later. My mum kept telling me it was too early because she was in her 50’s before her change but my symptoms are stacking up and there’s no denying them (in my opinion). I talk to my husband and send him articles to read that better articulate than I can (esp when the brain fog is at its best!) how I am feeling and he’s great. My son is five now so I can get the odd peaceful, restful break and work have a fantastic programme to support anyone who’s dealing with menopause or supporting someone else through it. When my mood swings were hampering my relationship with my son, I started using Headspace to manage my temper. I mastered their basic meditation techniques and would use them to breathe and calm before reacting to the millionth call for mum. It worked for me. I truly believe your daughter will remember the times you were truly there with her and not the odd time you took the time/space you needed for you.
Cat6 years ago
What’s that line about “putting your own oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else”? Find time and space to care for yourself first and the rest will fall into place. Children are remarkable and your daughter will respond to whatever you are able to give her and that will be enough. Time moves on and gives us healing capacity so try to take each day as it comes and not over think it. X
Natalia6 years ago
Hi Nicole, I have the same experience, my daughter is 2 and I am on HRT as my symptoms were affecting my work and personal life quite badly. The worse were the mood swings and lack of confidence combined with hypersensitivity. I feel better with HRT and had some therapy to help me to cope with the fact that I entered the peri-menopause at the age of 37. I know about all the meditation and personal space but it’s hard to get my Sh*t together sometimes but I do it for my daughter. And remember there is no other mum for her like you so you are enough!
Ott6 years ago
I also had my son later than most. There is a 40year gap in our age. I am now going through menopause symptoms while he is going through puberty. He noticed I began acting different, spacey at times and grouchy at others and just not the normal mom he was used to. I explained menopause to him that it’s like women have two puberties, one that starts their period and one that ends it, and both are strange times of hormonal ups and downs and weird body changes that can really catch us off guard, and make us act in ways that we normally wouldn’t. I told him that all the weird mood swings and uncertainty he is feeling; I am feeling it too, so it’s like two hormonal teenagers living under the same roof except one of those teenagers is supposed to be head of household and manage it all. I told him if he could have patience with me, I could have patience with him, and we will both get through this time with most of our sanity in tact. I tell you this because going through this now can help you remember what puberty was like with all those ups and downs, and uncertainties, so that when your child goes through puberty you will be more empathetic to her spacey, grouchy, all over the place, uncertain ups and downs and that can really cement the bonding between you two. I know your child is young, but another option is, you could sit your child down sometime and tell them “Mommy is going through something very normal for women to go through and that there may be some days when Mommy is really happy and some days when Mommy is really tired or sad, but it will not change how much I love you, even on days when Mommy is grumpy like a bear I will always love you.” I truly believe telling them something like this will help them understand better, and feel more connected with you, and even less anxious on the not so good days of menopause. ? Wishing you luck on your journey.
Getting there5 years ago
Similar experience. Had my DD at 41yrs, and recently had a bout of anger that just roared up out of nowhere lasted intermittently for a few weeks. Now its gone again and even my 6yr old commented at the time...I’m exhausted! I had a chat with some slightly older friends incase it was just me reacting to other events and found this app and started reading. I had to first explain to my husband that It may be the start of peri-menopause symptoms. He rushed off to start educating himself, bless him! Then when I felt ready I had a similar conversation with my very observant 6yr old who was all cuddly and understanding. So mummy might get suddenly very tired or very grumpy and even roar like a lion all while still loving her very much...turns out she can relate! And to the lady with the 2yr old, yes it’s often overwhelming whether you work full time (as I did) or not. I will always need Dad to take his turns - so what if it wasn’t the way I would do it, he did the thing! ? And, you need your me time and space you recharge too! Some support I paid for and making new friends in similar situations helped too - even if it was just cold tea and shared experience! It helps to get perspective and be reminded that it’s just another phase - it will pass!
Dee4 years ago
This was so refreshing to read. Thank you. I too had my son at 40 and right now he is 9 and full of energy and I’m so tired from symptoms. It’s hard! I’ve talked with him too and it helps. I still feel bad for being too tired at times.
Claire6 years ago
I’m 35 and in perimenopause. My estrogen levels are very low and have felt awful since the birth of my second child two years ago. Only started on treatment two weeks ago after suffering for so long with every symptom imaginable. I had to get to the bottom of it myself as my GP just said it was depression. The truth was I was trying to care for two small children whilst having hardly any estrogen in my body. It makes me upset thinking about how awful it has been. On estrogel now for the past two weeks, two pumps a day, do not feel any benefits yet. Starting the micronised progesterone on Monday, hope it agrees with me and doesn’t make me feel worse. I can totally relate to your experience and it doesn’t help that GPs overlook hormonal issues when you are younger. Juggling young children and perimenopause is not easy ?
Virgina6 years ago
The ways I cope is starting my day with gratefulness and Thanksgiving. I read my Bible and pray. The days my symptoms feel overwhelming, I acknowledge that I am feeling it.. and say this is menopause symptom and this too will pass. Take a moment to breathe and drink some water. Then get back to task at hand. The more I do this the less I over react to them. It then becomes second nature where I do not notice as much. I also eat foods that are said to be good to eat at this stage. Find the foods that works for your body. I also share with my kids (I am a single mom) when I am not my best, I tell them that I need to relax because etc. I have three girls, 12, 14 and 16..I am 52 soon to be 53. I started menopause at 51, I see it as period symptoms with period..
Virgina6 years ago
I meant to write at end in previous comment period symptoms with out period..
Adrienne5 years ago
You are not alone. I am 48 with a seven year old and it has been a difficult transition into menopause. Most days, I do not recognize all the changes my body is going through. Hang in there!!!