Last year I ended a long-term, but toxic relationship. I’m now 49 and ready to dip my toe into the dating pool, but I feel a bit like an alien visiting a new planet. On top of the strange newness, I’m currently dealing with all the joys of menopause. Besides an unexpected hot flash at dinner, or the exciting/horrifying prospect of sex with a new partner and my changing body, I am worried about the basics of attraction. I’m not taking HRT and so wondering whether my body will register the right hormonal cues letting me know who is Mr. Right (or even, Mr. Right Now ?). Am I overthinking this? Any advice, ladies?– Sasha, Toronto
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6Real experiences shared by the community, from the original discussion to today.
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Monique5 years ago
O my friend. You are preaching to the choir. I met my husband of almost two years while in the middle of my change. I am currently 6 months without a period. I was Completely insecure. I felt unattractive and concerned about night sweats or mood swings or body changes. Honestly I still go through a lot of that insecurity. What helps me is being transparent and acknowledging my changes to my partner. Letting him know that I am aware they were things going on with me and share the journey with him. I hope that helps.
Elle5 years ago
Well I have dipped my toes into said poop for 20 years & I am still dippin :(
Elizabeth5 years ago
I signed up with eHarmony when I was 49... had been single and celibate for over 10 years (focusing on raising my daughter and supporting us). Within two months met a 49 year old widower. We were both nervous about how sex might be but am happy to report that it’s been consistently great (we’ve now been married 5 years) I’m STILL in perimenopause (!) and though hot flashes sometimes interfere with libido, with a little attentiveness from my husband, sex is still consistently satisfying.
Po5 years ago
That's nice to hear ?
Phyllis5 years ago
I’m 59 meet my partner 5 years ago. Before him I was alone for 8 yrs raising my son. The first time we tried sex it was so painful, I had closed up down there and little or no fluid. It was a disaster but we laugh about it now. GP gave me a liquid filled thing like a tampon dispenser to use 3 times a week and as my GP put it, it’s like having a new vagina! I also use KY gel, put a little on beforehand. Sometimes it takes a while for me to get going but I read somewhere to watch porn with/ without your partner and it could help you.
Michele2 years ago
I’m 5 years perimenopausal and also recently started dating again. I’ve found that what I’m looking for in a partner has completely shifted from what it used to be. My first few dating app dates, I could see the person as, “They’re nice, I guess I could see myself with them.” But there was no spark. I really didn’t know whether I would ever feel a spark with anyone again, or if I was “past that” (oof). Then I met someone not from a dating app, who I had real physical attraction to and chemistry with. The sex was amazing, but we were so not compatible in where we were at in life. I found I didn’t want to be their emotional support (aka unpaid therapist!). It was too much work. I felt resentful all the time, so I ended that quickly. Last week I had a first date with someone from the apps who I both have a lot in common with and also am attracted to, and it turns out we make each other laugh and we kiss really well together (yay!). I don’t think that date would have gone nearly as well as it did, if I had not had the previous experience of feeling “the spark” with someone. Even though that short and frustrating relationship wasn’t right, it helped me remember that I’m amazing and sexy and beautiful. At this age, I don’t expect my partners to have rock-hard bodies or perfect hair. And I have to remember that they’re getting me as I am now, with all that comes with that, including a changing body. It doesn’t make me any less attractive or any less worthy. Don’t compromise your standards. Don’t settle for a “good enough” partner. You’ll know when you feel comfortable with someone enough to want to open up to them with your body and all the other parts of you. Good luck!