I hate to complain, but I’m feeling overworked and under-appreciated. I’m mum to twin boys aged 16 and daughter/caretaker to my elderly parents. My boys are a handful, as teenagers are, but having to care for my parents too is really grinding me down. I don’t expect thanks, but I’m one of four children and do 90% of the caretaking now that my parents moved in with me and my husband after their health declined. Add menopause and now COVID on top of it all and you can see why I need to vent. Has anyone else out there managed to come through this type of situation with their sanity intact, and if so, how?!
- Tamsin, Birmingham
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9Real experiences shared by the community, from the original discussion to today.
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D J6 years ago
I so understand. I have one son whom is working from home therefore try to be quiet ect. Mum has several health conditions and calls me her Carer!! I’m her daughter! I have one brother who hardly ever visits and hasn’t been able to due to Covid 19! I’m married and peri menapausal!!! I have suffered badly in the past with severe anxiety try hard to keep it under control! Everyone wants a piece of me and Mum is extremely controlling ect! Oh and nothing is ever right. Took her some flowers last week got told yesterday that were rubbish!!!!! Life is hard but I’m doing my best!
Carrie6 years ago
I've also found navigating the carer/daughter role extremely challenging...it has been an emotional rolller coaster. I don't have advice to give yet as I'm still learning to manage but i want to say you're not alone
Gillianreplying to Carrie6 years ago
I’m also new to the daughter career role, looking after Mum. I’m lucky, I have 2 sisters with whom we all share this role alongside our Dad. COVID has made this role impossible, poor Dad has had to do it all on his own with only phone calls from us. We all live miles away from each other and the guilt we are feeling is palpable. Oh to be near, to stand outside their house and wave at them. I was not blessed with children so it’s just me and ‘him indoors’. I feel for all of you who are going through this and having to care and worry about your own children.
Fionareplying to Gillian6 years ago
Gillian- I can only imagine how hard the separation must be. Wishing you the best and hoping you can reunite with your family soon.
Val6 years ago
I'm in a similar situation and I tried to handle a lot of it myself which got overwhelming extremely quickly. This was hard to accept because I so wanted to be the strong pillar of support everyone in my family needed, the 'perfect' mother and the 'perfect' daughter but i realized that was unrealistic and only making things hard. i've learnt to rely on others when needed - neighbor, friend, even having kids help out when things get too much. Learning to be more patient and accepting has been hard but it's a necessity - for yourself and for your family. And doing whatever you can to take care of yourself. I take 5-10 minutes to breathe and be quiet at the beginning and end of everyday to make space for myself. I can't promise this will always keep your sanity intact but it helps!
D J6 years ago
It so helps Val I’ve been trying to do everything and seem to get no where and cry/shout a lot. My mum is so demanding and wants things done NOW!!! But on Monday I said no but that it will be done next week - cleaning her car of which she hasn’t used for over a year!!! Which I know is sad but I cannot do anything about her illnesses. She has gallbladder issues and eats fatty foods then is sick!!!!!!! I have no control over mum but do have control over my feelings sometimes!! Take care
Valreplying to D J6 years ago
DJ - I definitely feel for you. Some days can get so tough, especially these days I feel everyone is on edge. You're absolutely right that we can't control anything better than our own feelings. It's the truth! We have complete power over how we feel and respond. Whenever I feel I'm about to lose my temper or my patience I try to remember that. It also helps to be more forgiving each day, to yourself and to others.
Roz6 years ago
Thank you so much for this yesterday l felt that everything was just too much the first time yesterday I said to myself it’s okay that some days are off days some days I feel anxious it’s okay to take some time out for a meditation or some form of relaxation just for myself and I’m learning to be be kind to myself , I am also pleased that we have a platform that we all can share and support each other
Valreplying to Roz6 years ago
So happy to hear that I helped Roz. We really do have to take each day as it comes and accept the lows with the highs, and try to remember the latter more! I too am glad to find support from others in a place like this. Much love xx